dajo42:

whenever somebody says like “so what did you do today?” just look off into the distance and say “the right thing”

akilivumbi:

people stare at me like they never seen a walking goddess

osamah:

*opens up trenchcoat* hey kid…wanna buy a sense of humor?

queeniecouncil:

"whats tumblr? what do you do on there?"

image


How to Perform a J-Turn: An Illustrated Guide

slapdancing:

poodlepunk:

both of my legs are asleep

Draw dicks on them

thebatwiggler:

if i ever catch my professor’s eyes while they lecture, I always end up nodding at them, partly because i want them to think im listening and partly because I feel that they need the confidence boost

goodenoughforjazz:

justin bieber looks like the kinda guy that would take some of your fries without asking

ashestoashesjc:

i drink GATORADE to replenish my ELECTROLYTES so that i have the STAMINA to talk shit about nerds on the INTERNET 

chasmofsarcasm:

how to tell if someone is really bisexual:

  • if a true bisexual utters their name backwards, it will send them back to their home dimension for a minimum of 90 days. 
  • fire type bisexuals will always be able to learn the move solarbeam, unless they are flareon. 
  • biologically, bisexuals are incapable of going down stairs.
  • some bisexuals are unable to cast a shadow, though this is currently up for debate